Last week, in Part One of this dynamic duo (which may turn into a series), our heroine, the curious and courageous Friendly Chick (who later re-dubbed herself as “Friendliness Chick,” instead—something about sounding too flirty, despite her non-ironic (and NOT-ICONIC) collection of golf trousers and cardigans)… 

Found herself in a curious context, indeed. 

Let’s go back to the future and catch up with where she was when last we saw her: 

(“Friendliness Chick” to Journal)

“Um, so there I was, scribbling away in my little journal—not the big one that may as well be a sketchbook, but the one with all sorts of tropical colors on the cover. Yep, my Sleuthing Boo-Thang. (Sorry, I was just listening to the radio, and this SONG, tho! Oopsie, there I go…)   

ANYwhoodle, I’m yammering away about all these theories I have about the Bobbsi Twins and bifocals, or “when you’re a kid hanging out with someone older, someone you that you love, someone that you look up to–perhaps, literally—and you see them tilting or turning their head back or to the side in a curious manner, you might pick up that very same gesture… even if you don’t understand why they do it, or what’s behind it.” I think I read somewhere that it’s called Vicarious Acquisition Theory. 

Then, out of nowhere, I start hearing crashes of a worrying nature; I grab a few things—gotta be ready for anything, you know—and burst into the mudroom/back foyer/entryway to the garage. 

I’m winding up like the Yankees star pitcher, when, lo and behold, what should my startled eyes encounter, but… 

Merita…! 

In a tutu and a straw hat??! 

With a hula skirt (AND FLOATIES) around each arm and a hula hoop around her waist?!! 

(Wait, are hula skirts and hoops related??)

Letting herself into our garage wasn’t such a great feat for the recently-rescued, brilliant and cuddly ex-circus bear. (Tho, if she really DID just swat the keypad at random and ”happen upon” the actual code, I may have to rethink the whole evolution thing. Hah. Infinite Monkey Theorem, indeed! That girl be smart, though.)

Aww!!! I’m so glad she’s in a home now that doesn’t boss her around and force her to wear weird costumes and do dangerous tricks for the SOLE PURPOSE of entertaining and/or amusing a passel of annoying, entitled, over-fed, under-thinking, SPOILED BRATS (who don’t even appreciate her ingenuity and skill—or the painful process of training that got her there!! Poor baby ), who nod with a Nero-like, oily smugness before they ask (in the most “Are We THERE Yet?!” Tone I’ve ever heard in my life)… “is that all? What else can she do? …Um, is there any place in this town that’s even remotely refined, or is this all you got here in the sticks?” 

(Hmph!! Oops, I almost forgot that I belong to Jesus now, and He Said to love people, even people who are annoying and odious. OK, that might be a bit of a paraphrase, but this (vexing) indignation—however, righteous—is beneath me. (No it’s not!) 

I mean, “what would Jesus do?” (He’d take the whip out of their hands and tell them to stop hitting a poor, sweet grizzly bear, that’s what He’d Do!  

I’m reasonably sure, anyway…)

Anyway! 

I’m not quite sure how she got into my great aunt’s stash of dance-wear and other such finery, but there she was, doing cartwheels and somersaults, hopping lithely from the roof of Ma’s Mercedes to the hood of Uncle’s El Camino (Greasecar Edition!), and back again. 

(What on EARTH were those circus dudes thinking?? Well, I’ll tell you just what I’m thinking: HMP to the H.) 

Once she noticed me and rushed over to get some hugs, I kind of forgot about my outrage and started thinking about stuff. (Though I have to admit that it took me a good hour and a half to stop snorting and chortling over dear Merita’s antics. Man… lol.)

Then, I started remembering stuff, like this old guy on a talk show; the lady kept asking him about philosophy and worldview, but the moment had arrived, and she knew it. I could almost hear her mentally coaching herself, bellowing, “Man UP, already! This segment is almost gone, this is the most famous guy you’ve ever had on the show and you’re tiptoeing around the one issue everyone wants to hear about? This is an exclusive, for crying out loud!” 

And if I didn’t know better, I’d think she was this close to crying out loud. 

But finally, she closed her eyes and thrust the question at the elderly gentleman: 

“So! I’ve heard the rumors that you go to church, that you haven’t missed a Sunday in all your years. Does this mean that you’re actually—“ 

“Yep! I grew up in the church, my whole family is religious, I have several clergy in my family, both sides,  of course…I’ve volunteered more hours than you’ve been alive, young lady, and I give over 50% of my yearly income to charities and churches across the globe.  If that ain’t Christian, I don’t know what is!” 

Even though I’ve never heard of this dude before, it was clear to me that the girl had initially expected him to deny being a Christian—and that her obvious disappointment at his reply meant that she’d NEVER deny being one. 

Ever the internet stalker, I googled this man and found out that one of his fave lines was “I was raised this way!” 

Which reminded me of Chick’s new-to-her neck-crane, which she’d begun incorporating into her kinesics (kinesical?) journey, despite never having worn a pair of glasses, much less bifocals, in her entire life.

The whole “copying the behavior without understanding it” thing really CAN be problematic.

Sigh… I’m plumb tuckered out. 

Time for a nap… 

(A good while later…) 

*CRASH*

“Merita??!! Where you at, girl???”

RAR

*sounds of copious kisses being tossed out by a large and rueful grizzly bear, who hath just scented a simmering stew, meant to draw her back home* 

I waved hugely at my sweet little neighbor (ok, she’s huge, lol) and got up, too, intending to and intent upon discovering a little snack or “too” (heh, two xD ) of my own.” 

~

*Harp Dream Music Drops in From Absolutely Nowhere*

Not too far away from Friendliness Chick’s Fearsome Lair ™, “that one old dude on that show thingie from earlier” (TM) was in the thick of things at his grand country estate, where 1000 of his closest friends and relatives had gathered to celebrate his 97th birthday. 

(In truth, the party had only been on for about three minutes when he’d experienced (and hidden) his very first yawn of that very long day.)

After greeting at least 51% of the shindig-attenders, he’d finally managed to slip away from the festivities and settle in for a Power Nap. 

(Friendliness Chick to Journal)

“Um… How do I know all this stuff? And how am I even thinking it through with such, um… alacrity (??) when it’s OBVI that I BE aSLEEEP, y’all?! (Or tryna be, anywhoodle… hmph and AHEM. Or, like… yes and AMEN! Please God I’m so tired after dealing with grizzly bears and tutus… ok, sleep sleep sleep. No such thing as psychics or astral projection. zzzzZZZZzzzzzzzzz….)”

Alleged Deus Ex Machina to Reader:

Ok, then, she’s sleeping up a storm (or snoring up one, anyway), so let’s look up our niftiest NNNNDUN DUN DUN! On the Soundboard of Sundry Sound Effects Surrounding Sleep and Storms and Stuff… oh, um. Never mind! 

…Ho, Hum! We’re–alright?!–approaching some sorta sight! 

Come along for the ride… tho it won’t be tonight! 

No, dearie, please don’t be angered! 

(Yo, the risks of “head-banger”!)

Oh, you know that “Cliff-Hanger” thing, so…

I’ll see you next time (here)… I think!