aka 

THE LOBBY (ok, this is over 50 pages now, but here’s the first 10. Sorry about the formatting! Here are PARTS 1 and 2 of this series!)

~

Picture This:  After slipping away from your 97th Birthday Party to grab a Power Nap, you end up “slipping away” in another way, only to wake up at…The Pearly Gates (??!).

“Oh…hey!…”

St. Pete or Paul (or Mary–akh!) asks why you get to live in Heaven now (after which you say:

“Coz I’m DEAD now, heLLoooooo!?” 

(Silence…)

“…Sorry, sorry, sorry! Bad joke, and this is a serious topic. Bad me! No, no, I’ll be serious now. See? Putting on glasses and everything. (See what I did there? Tee hee… Ugh, what is WRONG with me!?)”

(Oh, it would appear that we’ve landed smack dab in the middle of a journal. And not just any journal, but The Journal of Friendliness Chick (aka that feisty lass formerly known as–wait, did we ever even find out her name, actually? Hmm… In fact, let’s see if a–mmm, on second thought, we have bigger fish to fry right now, and we DON’T have all the time in the world. To dig up more intel on the woman at the well, I mean; not the one from here, today, but the one that got away. Just as well! And though I can’t at ALL imagine how that may or might have happened, we DID nearly, almost lose sight of that forest for the trees! It’ll be fine, though, never mind, though; lots of fish in the sea! And oysters and things. Just remember to never wave pearls of great price before three little pigs. Oh, now where is that girl? The one with no name, the one stunned by methods of getting grizzly bears tame… sigh. #thingsThatMakeYouGoHMMM, yo! Anyway, whatever… let’s just get on with the show!)

“What show?? Oh yeah, that old guy, I forgot all about him, didn’t I… I wonder what–”

ANYWAY, so they ask you why you get to live in heaven now.

(A Methuselah-looking, Father Abraham Type pops up out of nowhere, and everything’s… white. Very white.)

???

“Achoo!” 

?????

“Gesundheit!” 

(While Pearly Gates Guy looks rather like a shepherd, his manner of speaking is rather more akin to that of a Jeeves-type, very posh and accommodating and gracious, but also reasonably-uptight, a stickler who’d be called a “stick in the mud,” kindly, and definitely not mind it, but rather, in fact, he would find it not far from “divine.”)

“JEEVES”

“So… why do you get to live in heaven?”

COWBOY

“I’m dead? This is what happens, yes?”

“JEEVES”

“Well…”

COWBOY

“Why do I get into heaven? Is this a trick question?? LOL. Doesn’t everyone get in here? God Is Love and all? Haha…”

“JEEVES”

“God IS Love!”

COWBOY

“Amen, Amen! Hallelujah to The King!”

“JEEVES”

“HALLELUJAH! GLORY TO GOD!!”

COWBOY

“Yeah! Now we’re talking! Didn’t think you were capable of cracking a smile, there, friend, but you’re just a walking fiesta, ain’t you! Haha!”

“JEEVES”

“Perhaps when given the appropriate inspiration… Hah. Now back to my question: Why should you get into heaven?”

COWBOY

“Um, I’m not following you, sir. Could I perhaps get an example of what you mean by that?”

“JEEVES”

“Ah…Well, what did you do in your life that prepared you for eternity with us here?”

COWBOY

“OH! Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha… wasn’t sure where you were heading with this whole thing but now I get you.”

“JEEVES”

“Splendid! I can’t wait to hear this. David’s taking his sweet time picking up that parcel of mine…”

COWBOY

“Aw, I gotcha! Sorry about that, man! But it’s not the end of the world, you know; more time for us to chat, if you think about it! Hahah! No hurry, no worries!”

“JEEVES”

“I like that!”

COWBOY

“I thought you might! Ooh, maybe you could help me out, my man; I seem to have forgotten why we had an appointment in the first place…”

“JEEVES”

“Oh. I see… Well, you have won a jackpot, young man! Someone entered you into a contest and after years and years and years, your name’s come up! You’ve won an all-expenses-paid trip to one of two destinations! One is vastly preferable to the other, may I say.”

COWBOY

“Of course you may, why keep secrets from a friend, friend? Haha! So, lemme get this straight: I’ve been entered in some lottery system, and I won; there’s a decision to be made between which prize package I get, and there IS one prize that’s better in some way…”

“JEEVES”

“You could say that…!”

COWBOY

“So basically, I haven’t necessarily won BIG just yet? I’m just in the final round, kinda? A ‘lucky finalist,’ waiting for the final outcome of a contest I’ve finally ALMOST-won, is that it?”

“JEEVES”

“Kind of! Like the final destination is completely contingent upon a final decision, which is based upon a final answer, of sorts. It’s actually very simple, now that I think on it. You should do just fine!”

COWBOY

“Now hold on there a second, buckaroo; you said I should DO fine, not that I’d BE fine… at first, it sounded like, FINE… ALL I have to do is show up and maybe wait a little bit.”

“JEEVES”

“Hmm; a final countdown to a final result that’s more than fine, I believe you’d find, this foregone conclusion that anyone in his right mind would have gone for–or drawn for, as the case may be? Is that what you thought at first?”

COWBOY

“Yes, yes, yes, that description is more than fine and dandy. But now…”

“JEEVES”

“But now?”

COWBOY

“Now I keep going back to what you said THEN, about DOING fine. Meaning this isn’t a waiting game, where I could catch a nap until the final buzzer and I couldn’t lose… but it also ain’t no “stay-in-the-game,” where I’ve just gotta be standing at the final second. Or… the last one standing at the final moment, kinda like?”

“JEEVES”

“Don’t worry, young man, this isn’t a semi-final. Only one person can get you into this place, and I’m beyond-certain that you know just who that is!”

COWBOY

“I’ve GOTTA make it happen for myself, and I’m GONNA make it, finally, dag nabbit! But wait, if this is all about me, then who be all these fine people in all these lines? Oh, I guess some are outside the lines a bit. Are they… in the running?”

“JEEVES”

“Well, they are, indeed, running, but they all run their own races, and you ALL have your own place. Not rivals, no semi-finals. Not survival, but revival.”

COWBOY

“And that’s all fine and–”

“JEEVES”

“But?”

COWBOY

“Well… you said I should DO just fine. So… that makes me think it’s a final exam! I don’t see any textbooks, though. How can I pass the test if I don’t have access to the material? Or time to learn it? This seems a bit unfair to me, though I’m probably missing something. Haha, don’t listen to me, man! I’m just… heh.”

“JEEVES”

“What if I told you it was open-book?”

COWBOY

“Now, that’s more like it!”

“JEEVES”

“Well, it would be…in the case of an exam. Some exams, anyway.”

COWBOY

“Oh, snap! You’re totally right; this could be a final PROJECT to finish, or a final PAPER to write! I sure hope you give me enough time to write my final draft…”

“JEEVES”

“Well, I would certainly expect you to be adding the final touches to your paper right about now–if it WERE a paper…”

COWBOY

“Oh. Hmm…So maybe it’s like I gotta square up with the final boss and land the final blow to collect $200 when I pass…go?”

“JEEVES”

“Well… if this were that, then that is the yes! That is, that the final form would be the final test. But…”

COWBOY

“Ahh… ok. So I don’t need to start planning my final attack in order to finally unlock the final dungeon or post-game-party–members or anything.”

“JEEVES”

“That’s correct; your final frontier is but a Way Station 

on the journey towards your… aforementioned destination.”

COWBOY

“But that’s NOT the situation you mentioned before! 

You said it was NOT fore-GONE, only ‘gone-for.’”

“JEEVES”

“My son, you keep thinking about ‘final cuts,’ but 

In truth, we only want your BEST–no ifs, ands, or buts!”

COWBOY

“Ok, man, I’m sorry for starting to whine…”

“JEEVES”

“No biggie, friend! *I* only want you to SHINE! 

Know that… it’s your season, you’re NOT past your prime! 

Though, you should know THAT this is all… ‘LIMITED-time.’”

COWBOY

“Oh…That prize pack thingie? With two non-comparable options? Hmm.  I wonder what each trip’s final value is; that would help me to finally decide on which one I want more…”

“JEEVES”

“Unless the one that you get is, well… based on a score?”

COWBOY

“Oh, drat, I forgot about that! So… gotta suit up and rack up them points all the more…”

“JEEVES”

“UNLESS it takes LESS points for winning this war!”

COWBOY

“Oh, Gramps, you are KILLIN me with all of this lore! Haha…”

“JEEVES”

“I’m sure that all this info-talk feels rather like a chore…”

COWBOY

“Naw, man, it’s all good! Gotta know what I’m working with if I’m to make a workable plan that leads to success! Sorry….YEEHAW! How I LOVE to clean up a big mess!”

“JEEVES”

“That’s a fine view to have, friend, you know so MANY RUN from stress!”

COWBOY

“Is that your way of telling me that the test is just a problem? 

Seeming insurmountable, but my task is just to solve’em?”

“JEEVES”

“Certainly, some think that their final absolution rests upon their ability to dream up a final solution…”

COWBOY

“If they ain’t great there, I can see how they’d go all paralysis… coz they know that they can’t cut it, in the final analysis.”

“JEEVES”

“You’d be shocked at the things that I’ve seen and I’ve heard… in this job, I am privy to a person’s final words.”

COWBOY

“Wow, that sure escalated pretty quick, there, old man! I do appreciate that you seem to try and help when you can…”

“JEEVES”

“It’s not about a final score or a final exam; but rather, it’s a debt, or a…final demand.”

COWBOY

“Oh my gosh, that’s scary, dude; did you really mean to say it?”

“JEEVES”

“What terror, ever, is there, when you reach the final payment? Look here, kiddo; if you wanted a house or a car…saw the final cost and your salary, you’d be like ‘that’s so FAR!’” 

COWBOY

“If it’s a KIA, I could deal, but I’m seeing what you mean; yep, I sure recall the ramen days, when things were kinda ‘LEAN.’ Thankfully, I earn enough, now, to buy ALL that I could want!”

“JEEVES”

“I wonder if even billions could….bring back your favourite haunt?”

COWBOY

“Yep, you’re right; money CAN’T buy every single thing in the world…time’s without a price, and even more is my sweetest girl.”

“JEEVES”

“She’s a honey, to be sure, friend, and I know you’d take, well, a bullet…I know that if you found grenades, the string, you wouldn’t pull it. You sure are brave, but well-behaved, in that, you need no warning. You’re even-keeled, but do you wield… The promised Joy each morning?”

*GLITCHY*

(See you next week, my friend xD

<3

sally b